The Man Running the Hiring Committee
By Sara Schaff
You've got the search narrowed to two solid candidates—one man, Candidate A, and one woman, Candidate B. A is obviously the better fit. By all reasonable measures, he's accomplished more than most in his career: Ivy League education, glowing recommendations, paid speaking engagements, being white and straight.
But it isn't just the sheen of his accomplishments or his prior experience with six figure salaries. You genuinely like him. And when you bring him in for an all-day interview, which includes dinner at the place with the cute waitresses, it turns out everyone else likes him, too! He reminds Jack of his buddies from boarding school. He's just like David's frat brothers at Duke. Ambitious, of course. But he also knows how to have good time! Everyone agrees: he's the one.
Well, everyone except Jane, the woman on your hiring committee, who you had to include because, well, diversity. Not to knock Jane, who's pretty enough, but kind of a downer.
"I don't think we should hire him," she says.
Quintessential Jane. "Why not? He's perfect."
"I just…got a bad vibe."
You try hard not to laugh. She sounds like your tween daughter.
"A bad vibe," Jack says. He and David exchange glances.
Jane takes a breath. "He kept staring down my shirt when he thought I wasn't looking."
Now you and David exchange glances. There's not much to look at under her shirt, for crying out loud!
You don't plan to give Jane's whining a second thought. But later that night you tell your wife what Jane said, while you're crawling into bed. You think you're on your way to a quick, sleep-inducing roll in the hay, after a mutually satisfying laugh at Jane's expense. But your wife gives you that look.
"What?"
"Listen to Jane."
"Jane's a killjoy. You said so yourself! You never want to invite her to our parties."
The look your wife continues to give you is one you've seen all your married life, but there's something new about it: she's not just annoyed; she's fucking pissed. And suddenly you realize she might actually leave you for her hot and sensitive yoga instructor, Raphael.
So the next day, imagining Raphael going down on your wife, you call up one of Candidate A's recommenders, his old boss, a guy who’s been at it for a long time, who knows what's what.
"Oh, A!" he cries. "Everyone loves A. He gets great results."
You're about to say thanks and hang up, but you think of Jane. You think of Raphael bringing your wife breakfast in bed. You ask, "Was there ever any—"
"Any what?" There's a long, potent pause.
"Was he ever, you know. A creep? With women?"
The pause extends.
A's boss answers finally, slowly. "Well, there were, ah, rumors. Some women didn't feel…"
"Didn't feel what?"
"There were a couple of complaints to HR."
Later, you repeat this information to the hiring committee.
Jack frowns. "So?"
Jane frowns. "What do you mean, "so"?"
David says, "You can't let a couple of rumors ruin a guy's' life."
Right?! You give an internal fist bump to Jack and David. Your wife's not going to leave you for fucking Raphael! He's got terrible BO, and your wife is very sensitive to smells.
"Innocent until proven guilty, right?"
Jack and David nod. Jane does not nod.
She says, "This is a god-damn job interview, not a criminal investigation. Candidate B has no rumors about misconduct following her. And she's got basically the same resume."
"But she's not a good fit," Jack says.
"She really isn't," David says.
"Not the best," you agree. She had a lot of ideas, and she wasn't above inserting them into the conversation.
In the end, you're willing to make the call: Candidate A all the way. Even if it means losing your wife. Because that's the kind of sacrifice you have to make sometimes. To do what's right for your fellow man.
About the Author:
"The Man Running the Hiring Committee" is from Sara's second book, The Invention of Love, forthcoming in June 2020 from Split Lip Press. Her first collection, Say Something Nice About Me (Augury Books), was a 2017 CLMP Firecracker Award Finalist in Fiction. She's an assistant professor of English at SUNY Plattsburgh. Read more of her work at saraschaff.com.
About Weekly Flash Prose and Poetry:
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